Candidacy

and the unglamourous reason I decided to run

“Have you thought about running for city council”?

I furrowed my brow and laughed. I believe my exact words were, “Absolutely not.”

We were at an election watch party with some of Anaya’s colleagues when a candidate for another district hung on the outskirts of our group that was huddled by the firepit. I had known (met, really) this person for all of 20 seconds prior and immediately felt a bit guilty for quite literally laughing in her face.

That night when we were in bed, not having said another word about it, I let it swim around in my head.

“What do YOU think about me running for city council”? I asked him, sheepishly and nearing sleep. He told me he thought it was a great idea.

There I was again with a furrowed brow and a half smile.

I went to sleep.

And then it was the first thing I thought about when I opened my eyes.

What if?

I still mostly rolled my eyes at myself. I came up with a laundry list of reasons why it was a terrible idea, reminiscent of the lists I would send Anaya when we first started dating.

“No, really. I’m a mess. I cry too much. I can’t fold a fitted sheet. I holler in the car when people drive too slow in the fast lane.”

Except it was more like-

“I’m not formally/college educated. I can barely read policy as-is. I cry too much.”

Each time he reminded me that it was ultimately my decision to run, but every reason I listed was actually a reason why I should.

It took several days for me to come around to the idea. I felt intimidated, my imposter syndrome at a near constant low hum in my ears. The reading I have to do, the catch up I have to play in order to have a chance this late in the game…

Ultimately, it is all of the reasons I feel UNqualified that urged me to decide to run just 7 days after a stranger asked me if I had ever thought about it. “So does this mean you’re going to run”?

I looked over my shoulder as I was pulling a sweater out of the closet and flashed Anaya a half smile.

“I guess it does.”

I started telling my closest friends.

“Of course you are! This is an excellent idea”!

Everytime I told someone I was met with that very same reaction.

Of course I should?

This was of course the reaction that felt good, and left me feeling encouraged but of course I should?

And then finally settling into the idea and allowing myself the idea-

Of course I should.