Fish

and if you give me one and maybe just don't

There is a specific kind of tired that parents only know. I’ll spare you the woes of parenting, but just know that there was one child that was put into new surroundings while separating from His One True Love (his pacifier, as it isn’t allowed in the preschool room at daycare) and lets just say I miss sleep, as does Anaya, and honestly Maddox misses it too. We are 9 days in and I am ready for a nap, an aperol spritz, and ten hours of undisturbed sleep, in that order if I may.

Picture this-

I am standing at the kitchen counter at 6 am. Maddox has pulled me out of bed and is demanding breakfast right now and while I’m not prepared to make pancakes in this moment I offer a snack to hold him over while I get my bearings and begin my morning ritual of seeing how much hot coffee I can consume before my ADHD, my day, the kids, the pancakes take over and my coffee is left off somewhere to turn cold and forgotten. Step One.

While I am haphazardly tossing raspberries in a bowl I am also starting to use what little brain cells I currently have into sorting what I will feed everyone this evening.

Fish. It’s the fish.

It’s Fish Night. Nothing that was prescribed to my household by anyone other than me. I asked for this. I love sushi, I love shellfish, I love mollusks. I don’t love fillets of fish but I really want to.

“But Ava you haven’t had it prepared like this.”

Yes, I have. And the truth is, I do enjoy fish. While fish fillets are generally not my first choice, I do enjoy it if it is prepared by anyone other than me. This is saying something for a person that generally prides themselves on their ability to make something that they, and their family, loves.

But fish? Ugh.

It leaves a funk in the house (yes, even with lemon, or done in foil, or just seared on really high heat for just a minute!) Doing it on the grill is feasible albeit it doesn’t really matter because I just don’t like it as much as I would if someone else made it.

All this to say and I will pull the fish out of the freezer, the ones that come individually vacuum sealed, and I will poach them in lots of red wine, cherry tomatoes, and garlic and it will be fine but I guarantee that if you or anybody else had made it, I would like it more.

As promised, I do want to and intend sharing more of my writing/my process which is why I am sharing a rather timely essay from my manuscript with y’all titled Trout. It goes without saying that this is for my paid subscriber’s viewing only, and please do not share the essay or parts of it without my consent. But if you love it and want to read more or want to shout from the rooftops how much you love this publication, please do consider becoming a paid subscriber. My professional life and my heart and guts thanks you.