Initially I thought it might be silly to write something like this as I imagine that most people that have found, followed, and supported me here know who I am and/or what I do. I also realize that the people landing here really come from and/or are recommended from all over. Sure, upon subscribing there is a short and sweet overview so that you have an idea of what to expect but ultimately I think this might be useful and help connect some dots.
You might know me from my bakery Butter Moon Bake Co or a food/storytelling Facebook group I started years ago called Feed Me A Story. Maybe you know me as an organizer of art(ist) markets and community through Offbeat Market. Maybe you found me here because someone “knows a gay/guy” that is kind of funny and cooks. Maybe you were directed here from an essay I published or because someone told you they like the way I speak candidly about parenting, or because apparently you can find a recipe that uses an entire orange in the cake itself- somewhere around here.
Either way, there are a lot of parts of me and a lot of things I do and have done. I pushed against this part of me for a long time- being and having been various things throughout my life. Mostly never having that one thing that I do.
At any rate, here’s a list of sorts of who I am and what you can expect here. Word has it there’s a recipe for pickle pizza at the end.
I was born In Denver, CO and both of my children were born at the same public hospital I was.
I moved to rural Minnesota with my single-mother when I was 8.
I lived between there and Denver mostly every other year/school year from 7th grade until graduation.
The longest I ever attended one school was for 2.5 school years.
I graduated from a very small high school in Breckenridge, MN when I was 17. Our graduating class had 65 students.
I worked in MLM from 18-20 and it was one of the most wild and traumatic times of my life.
I grew up in a wildly dysfunctional environment under the umbrella you oftentimes associate with under-resourced families. That also doesn’t mean that it was all bad. It means that we were under-resourced living under capitalism.
I wanted to go to culinary school but couldn’t afford it. I didn’t have a support system in place to flesh out what I might do after high school despite the fact that I was a gifted student and graduated with academic honors. When you grow up amongst high-levels of trauma, you don’t have a lot more in the tank for figuring out what feels good to do. You do whatever you need to do to make money. Which is trash and yet, I digress.
After I left MLM my father offered to help pay for cosmetology school if I moved back home/to Denver to clean up my act as they say. I was addicted to cocaine and had just fucked up my brain and body for two years working all over the country selling knockoff perfume.
I left hair after a decade when my first-born came in August 2016. I had been married for just less than a year, scaled back my hours as a stylist, and dipped my toe into entrepreneurship. I started a meal prep/delivery service. It was a time.
I decided to make weight-loss my identity and ended up working for a well know fitspo on Instagram as a certified nutrition coach. I interned until I received my certification from Precision Nutrition. That time was also… a vibe. I left in 2018 and stayed home with Scarlett.
Maddox was born in July 2020
I left my ex-husband in October 2020 and officially moved out in December 2020 after I started a cottage bakery out of our home, Butter Moon Bake Co, in an effort to make some money to support me and my kids when I moved out.
Here I am.
I was diagnosed with ADHD in the summer of 2022 and PTSD long before then. The bakery isn’t in production and I don’t think it will be again, at least not in the way that it was. I teach baking classes, am writing a (BMBC) recipe ebook, I occasionally write poetry and freelance personal essay. I am querying my food-adjacent memoir and am much less physically active in the organizing scene at the moment in an effort to focus on myself, my work, and my family and it feels restorative and good for now. I write this newsletter and I keep my household afloat with my husband, Anaya, and our mutt dog, Boo Mercy.
I am curious and constantly learning about myself and how I show up in the world. I am in love with food and cooking it and eating it and growing it and learning about it and whether or not it’s accessible and to whom it is accessible to and why. I am hyper-sensitive and have spent a lot of my adult life reconciling that part of me especially as a neurodivergent mother. I am adjusting/enjoying the ability to exist in safety and stillness for the first time in my life- and processing what that looks and feels like. I am forever curious about generational trauma and cycle breaking. What it means to be in community, what it means to raise white children, what it means to be fat, what it means to be disabled and able-bodied, what it means to show up authentically and without masking, gender, gender expression, harm reduction, individualism as a disease, decolonizing my brain and everything else around me, writing that leads to taking action, writing that makes me cry, gardening, traveling, and a whole host of hobbies du jour depending on my ADHD and flavor of the month.
This life hasn’t been linear by even one brushstroke but it’s been mine and as Anaya has said, “our now is the sum of our whole lives.” I don’t like to think that means I’m somehow grateful for the profound amount of fuckery either of us has experienced in our lives but it is our reality and look where I am now.
I hate frisée. So much.
I don’t like canned tuna but I crave it sometimes so I make egg salad because it’s better than tuna salad and it also isn’t tuna salad.
I love bitter things, just not frisée.
I love most all my baked goods slightly underdone.
I believe that salt belongs on/with chocolate.
I drink a lot of water.
Me and our youngest are both Cancers, Anaya is a Gemini and Scarlett is a Leo.
I cry all the time. Over being frustrated or from the way our kids look when they sleep. I mean, really. All the time.
I listen to music probably 80% of the time I’m awake but I can’t listen to music with words when I’m really in my writing.
I started making playlists for people by request for a certain moment or vibe for $15 a pop a few years ago and I love making playlists.
xxx
I hope this helps you feel better connected to me and better informed as to what you might find in this pocket of the internet.
The real star of the show is this pickle pizza. What started out as something silly and Why Not as a pickle-loving household has grown into a weekly (when the kids are home. We share them with their bio dad 50/50) Friday tradition. I love the birth of a tradition.
Before you come for me, I am in agreement with so many of you in that pizza without tomato/tomato sauce isn’t pizza it is merely a flatbread.
I know, I get it. I’m with you. Some people feel otherwise and it’s far easier to just call it pizza in a recipe and when sharing, don’t you agree? I’m on your side though.
I love a seemingly blank canvas which is exactly what this pizza/flat bread is. Get creative with the base. Add different cheese, or burrata. Decide you like using different pickles or shapes etc. Make the homemade dilly ranch to go with it or don’t. With most recipes you find around here, use it as a guide.
Shoutout to our seven year old for being the best hand model ever. I love that kid.
Pickle Pizza
1 hour, start to finish including crust (!!)
Makes 1 standard large pizza or a couple of smaller ones
Pizza Dough Recipe
300-400 grams all purpose flour *use more or less depending where you’re at in the world and whether or not you need more or less flour so that it comes together in a soft, slightly sticky, but ultimately well formed dough
1 cup very warm but not hot water. You should be able to stick your finger in and leave it there. Too hot will simply kill the yeast
1 Tbsp honey or cane sugar
1 Tbsp olive oil + more for baking
1 Tbsp instant yeast (if you decide to use active dry yeast you will first need to bloom it in a bit of water and sugar or honey in order to activate the yeast)
1 tsp salt
A small handful of fresh, chopped dill if you like
Combine all of the ingredients either in a large bowl or the bowl of your stand mixer.
By hand: knead for about 10 minutes by hand and only add flour when absolutely necessary. It will be a bit tacky and that’s okay.
By mixer: use a dish hook and let the mixer do its thing for about 5 minutes
Once it has come together into a dough put it back in whatever bowl you started with, brush the top with just a bit of olive oil, and cover while your oven preheats to 475 or as hot as you can get it (usually between 450-500) *if your oven is already preheated at this point just let your dough rest for 10-15 minutes
For the Pizza
Sliced dill pickles, drained on paper towels. I use Grillos and no this isn’t sponsored. You can use as many as you like but I don’t generally overlap the pickles because I hate too-heavy/soggy pizza
2 Tbsp olive oil
2 gloves garlic, minced
A couple Tbsp of fresh, chopped dill and/or parsley
Salt
Fresh pepper
Parm
Mozz
Dilly Ranch
I use the holy-grail ranch powder mix which happens to be Hidden Valley because Anaya bought one from Costco and I love both making my own ranch powder/pre-bought stuff and you do you.
Prepare per the instructions depending on how much you want to make. I don’t measure (shocking) but what I will say is that when I’m doing this and treating it as a drizzle as opposed to a dip I use more ranch powder than I normally would, add in some fresh or dried dill, fresh cracked pepper, and then I thin it with some of the pickle juice so that it is extra pickle-y and easier to drizzle, set aside
Combine the olive oil, garlic, dill/parsley, a pinch of salt and fresh cracked pepper in a small bowl, set aside.
Once the dough is ready and while the oven preheats, add a bit of olive oil to whatever pan you’re baking your pizza on and then stretch out the dough on top of it.
This doesn’t look pretty when I do it and there is no rhyme or reason. I literally just stretch and pull and push the dough out from the center out to the edges and have to do this several times as the oven preheats as the dough will spring back to its original shape/size the first couple times you do it. This is normal. If you like precision you could always roll it out. I am not that precise.
Once it has taken its final shape and you have successfully coaxed it to the edges and it is staying, I like to press my fingers down to get the dough to creep up the edge just a bit, creating the crust.
Dock (poke it a million times with a fork) your pizza dough all over before you put any topping on. This helps the crust get crispier along with the olive oil you put down first.
Once the crust is ready and docked, add the bowl with the olive and garlic/herb mixture and spread it around the surface
Add a handful of Parmesan cheese and then another bit of mozzarella
Add the sliced pickles and then more of both kinds of cheeses
Bake for 15 ish minutes and then allow it to cool on the pan for another 10 before slicing
Serve drizzled with the dilly ranch and a bit of fresh chopped dill
I didn’t include cheese amounts and I know that could potentially be annoying. This is because sometimes I make it cheesier and sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I’m in the mood for a cheese-pull and sometimes I want it a bit lighter. If it helps, the average large pizza uses about 5 oz of mozzarella. Maybe you want more or less, maybe you want to skip it and use burrata. Whatever you do, you get to decide.
Biggest love,
AR
Currently Reading: still listening to Splinters by Leslie Jamison but I did start to revise The Chronology of Water for the first time in years
Currently Listening To: Stevie Nicks
Currently Cooking: I made an asparagus/puff pastry situation for dinner along with a raspberry and rhubarb cobbler topped with (my) biscuits. Swoon.
pickle pizza is such a great metaphor too - for the surprising twists and turns or your life - unique and creative!