I want to romanticize more while being acutely aware of my surroundings. A sumptuous union of making-the-best-even-better while living in reality. I want less dissociation (but I am oh, so good at it), more intention, and, like, getting the good coffee when we can.
You know?
I remember returning home from Greece in early June 2023, my first trip to Europe, and telling my partner Anaya that that is what we should be doing in the mornings whenever we can. The slow, the coffee in bed, the oiling of my cuticles post-shower. Literally, my mornings went like this-
Wake
Shower
Make coffee
Take my tiny cup of espresso that I stirred just a tiny bit of brown sugar into because it was there
Climb back into bed with said espresso
Oil my cuticles
Drink espresso and read in bed with my oily cuticles while Anaya slept
Every morning this is what I did. Can I do this everyday? Can I do it when I wake face-to-face with a toddler at 6 am? Probably not. Can I make more of an effort to romanticize my mornings a bit more? Absolutely.
I ditched the notion of resolutions once I walked from diet culture for good. Listen, I am all for intention setting but hear me out-
We are in the throes of winter. January is the coldest month here in Colorado. I am cold, I want soup, and I want to lounge. I am less first-of-the-year-ignited and more so swayed by, and with, the seasons. Anaya and I are getting married March 23rd this year. Spring equinox, eclipse season, and our anniversary. This was once an exceptionally painful time of year for me and is now my anniversary of meeting Anaya and will be our wedding anniversary. Tell me something more romantic. My suggestion if you’re slinking into 2024 with some trepidation and slowness? Make and eat soup with reckless abandon. If you like project cooking or baking, spend some hours making homemade dumplings, a crepe cake, or bagels. Drink water like your life depends on it because it does. Have sex with yourself or another human being- relish in the power of pleasure. Go to bed early. Go outside. Do a slow burn, a slow roll, a bear-like approach to the winter months. Did we do the budget for Q1 this week? Did we deep clean and organize? Did I organize my upcoming work? I/we did do all of these things. You know what else we did? Absolutely nothing. After a day of admin and budgeting yesterday, Anaya made negronis and we ate leftover stew our friend dropped off for dinner in bed. Meaning, we did nothing. What I’m trying to say is don’t kick your shit in if you’re feeling like an outsider for not having a new day planner decked out with a shit load of goals for the upcoming weeks. Find a balance of hibernation, romanticizing when you can (morning baths are really something), and just, like, hang on.
I continue to try to figure out a rhythm where the holiday season doesn’t leave me completely depleted for 2 weeks and while I am getting better and good at taking my own advice (sometimes) I still needed to be fetal for a bit after Christmas. Here are some things I would like to *do* this year, in no particular order, and without applying a lot of pressure. Don’t forget that perfectionism is rooted in white supremacy and the patriarchy and if there is anything to get me to come down to Earth…
FINISH 25 books
Sign with a literary agent
Teach more live baking classes
Record another cooking/baking class
Be published in a literary magazine
Move my body in some kind of way for at least 20 minutes every day
Write more poetry
Host a writing workshop
Make gnocchi
Go to an IMAX movie
Visit a place in Colorado I have never been
Get fucking married <3
Organize my kitchen cupboards in a way that is kind to my ADHD
Camp
And, like, that is it for now. It? I mean, not IT but these are the things that come to mind and there will be more as the seasons flux and so do I. Whatever this is is the definition of marathon, not a sprint. Be cozy, stay cozy, make a list of things without applying so much pressure you become paralytic, romanticize your daily life in tiny ways (if you don’t own bath sheets I highly recommend), shop at a grocery store you don’t normally go to, take the scenic route when you’re going to get a coffee, do a little research on ritual baths and add some flowers, light a candle for yourself or someone you love, watch garbage tv, write something you hate, have friends over for dinner.
New year, same but pretty-damn-different from 2023, if you ask me.
I love getting older, I love the idea of a new year, and I love the power of rest.
Happy New Year, y’all. I am grateful to get the chance to spend it with all of you.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I am going to make pasta dough and use the pasta roller a friend of ours thrifted for us. Tiny, romantic things, you know?
Biggest love,
AT
PS shortly after writing this I received my first ever acceptance to a literary magazine, more details to come. See? Let the good times roll
Currently Reading: I need to get it together because I have so many I have started but haven’t finished and it is making me anxious/paralytic about choosing
Currently Listening To: Sault
Currently Cooking: fresh pasta for “pasta” and meatballs
Pipeline: baby’s first literary magazine debut, fancy-ish Buttermilk Biscuit class that is very generously being produced and edited by one of our beloved friends, potential for an ongoing creative non-fiction workshop? If you’re interested, shoot me a message so I can start poking around interest levels.