Everything kind of sucks right now.
You don’t need me to tell you this, just turn on the news or look outside for longer than thirty seconds.
I don’t need to be reminded of how much worse it could be. I am acutely aware of this reality and I am also aware that I am not immune to the human experience. Therefore, sometimes we’re just going to go with the fact that everything sucks even just for a minute or two.
If you’re feeling the weight of everything sucking right now too, I see you in it and I offer this watercolor as a token of my recognition of you and yours.
Anywho.
What doesn’t suck is having the kind of friends that you can text and say, “Everything sucks! Come work from my house and I’ll make pumpkin bread”! And then everything still sucks but your friends are there, you’ve made more coffee, you’re talking about the things that suck, and there’s pumpkin bread.
As I get older I loosen the reigns of trying to fix my brain in regards to my neurodivergence and trauma, and instead give them some space or try to figure out what it would be like to accommodate these things instead of try to remove them. This is why I often have to have two creative and one active movement things within reach. I’ve mentioned this before, and the Brain Breaks via working for sometime and then baking something or writing for awhile and then stopping to paint for 15 minutes etc. This is another thing that doesn’t suck.
When my friends come over to body double (work alongside me, both in our own worlds but coexisting) and they chime in to say they miss the kids (I do too) or trying new restaurants with Anaya like Nana’s Dumplings that finally opened on Tejon. Taking a mid-afternoon bath when you’ve left all the windows open too long much to your partner’s dismay, it’s now too cold, and now you have to warm up. Understanding the atrocities of what Thanksgiving actually represents and instead using the extra time with everyone’s kids home for the week and the time off from work to put our calendars together to figure out just what the hell are we going to do with all these kids? Planning a meal where friends eagerly stake their claim to their favorite dishes. Gaining clarity and then traction on where your current manuscript is headed, very much by leaning into to what you believe, and the opinions of trusted writing community. A dog that is obsessed with you. Discussing activism with your people when you’re fighting but you’re tired. When Maddox gets excited and shouts, “Jesus Murphy”! Watching your favorite friends sift through their own gender and feel embodied. When your kid tells you that nobody makes dinner like you do. Getting to see your wedding dress come together. Lighting incense as soon as you get your coffee. Walks that require hoodies but not coats or gloves. Reading something that you can’t set down. When whatever you’re making comes out exactly as you envisioned. Finding an instrumental playlist that is upbeat but not distracting while you read/write and listening to it until you hate it. Eating your kids’ Halloween candy. Kissing that almost makes someone late. Giving whenever we can, and taking a moment to take in the fact that sometimes you can do this now. Christmas cookie ice cream. White negronis. Fall and winter candles. Putting Santa hats on your dog.
Getting to write for all of you.
Make some pumpkin bread this weekend if you feel so inclined. Add chocolate chips if that’s your thing or leave them out and add a couple extra tablespoons of flour. Don’t sleep on cardamom. Put it in a mini loaf pan if you have one, get weird and use a muffin tin, or simply put it in a loaf pan.
Whatever you do, revel in something that doesn’t suck.
Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Bread That Doesn’t Suck
1 3/4 cup flour
1 cup dark brown sugar
1 tsp baking soda
1 Tbsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp cardamom
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/4 tsp clove
1/4 tsp allspice
1 tsp salt
1/2 vegetable oil
1/2 cup applesauce
2 eggs
1 cup pumpkin puree
1 cup or so of chocolate chips. I had mini ones left over from Halloween so that’s what I used (I eyeballed. Half a 10 oz bag? Do your thing)
Grease whatever pan you’re using. Preheat oven to 350 if you’re using a muffin or mini loaf pan or mini bundt pan. Knock it down to 300 for a standard loaf. Combine all your dry ingredients through salt, mix well. In a separate bowl combine all wet ingredients through the eggs, whisking just until incorporated. Gently stir in to the bowl of dry ingredients, careful not to overmix. Pour into your desired pan. If you’re doing anything mini/muffin, bake for 20-25 minutes. When you insert a toothpick it should still have a little moisture on it, don’t over bake it. If you’re doing a standard loaf, start checking around the 45 minute mark. I err on the side of slightly underdone because that’s my thing and if I feel like maybe I pulled it too early, I’ll let it hang in the pan for 15 minutes before tipping them out, otherwise 5 minutes will do.
Let it cool for at least 20 minutes before slicing/eating. It’s even better the next day.
Biggest Love,
AT
Currently Reading: Liliana’s Invincible Summer by Cristina Rivera Garza (Just got it)
Currently Listening To: A specially-made-for-me (because #Spotify) Lofi beat playlist
Currently Cooking: Not a damn thing. I’m eating yesterday’s pumpkin bread