My 39 year old son told me he never felt safe, never felt protected, felt I loved his brother more than him.. I have cried all night… trying to wrap my head around his words. Was his childhood a fake ? A ruse ? What did I do wrong? I always fought for him, stood up for him, loved him with all my heart and soul. Now, I wish I could go back..
Naturally I don’t have all the context but here’s what my knowing tells me-
If it was outburst/out of left field I am curious what prompted it? Was there an argument? Were any substances involved? This feels like it came from a deeply rooted wound, one that most likely does exist and is true for him. We know that the shadows are good at clouding the light. You are a mother, not a monolith. I don’t know anyone, blissful childhood or not, that only has fluffy memories of their childhood. My advice is to not let shame discourage you from connection- get curious about his feelings and ask questions from a place of love, not defensiveness, if the time comes (I hope it does) to revisit his feelings when things are less charged. Our parents fuck us up. I will, regardless of my intentions, fuck my kids up- it is human nature and none of us have all the answers. The best we can do is acknowledge, apologize, and do better. I’m holding you xx
This hit me so hard…
My 39 year old son told me he never felt safe, never felt protected, felt I loved his brother more than him.. I have cried all night… trying to wrap my head around his words. Was his childhood a fake ? A ruse ? What did I do wrong? I always fought for him, stood up for him, loved him with all my heart and soul. Now, I wish I could go back..
Your words are a gift..
Naturally I don’t have all the context but here’s what my knowing tells me-
If it was outburst/out of left field I am curious what prompted it? Was there an argument? Were any substances involved? This feels like it came from a deeply rooted wound, one that most likely does exist and is true for him. We know that the shadows are good at clouding the light. You are a mother, not a monolith. I don’t know anyone, blissful childhood or not, that only has fluffy memories of their childhood. My advice is to not let shame discourage you from connection- get curious about his feelings and ask questions from a place of love, not defensiveness, if the time comes (I hope it does) to revisit his feelings when things are less charged. Our parents fuck us up. I will, regardless of my intentions, fuck my kids up- it is human nature and none of us have all the answers. The best we can do is acknowledge, apologize, and do better. I’m holding you xx