Lilac White Negroni//Cesar Salad Pizza

and sex work, mothers, and more lilacs

I’m not a stranger to sex work.

I like to think that the type of person that reads and supports my work has at least an understanding of my values and *politics*.

I also understand that sex work of all types and varieties is highly stigmatized and therefore criminalized. I understand that some folks are proponents of learning in an effort to “get it”. I understand that some folks do not feel this way which is why I am doing us both a favor and getting it out of the way.

Because (informed) consent is hot.

I’ve started platform-style sex work. I am in a place where the work that I already do allows me better access. I am at a place in my head and body where it feels good and safe and enjoyable. I am also just, like, doing another job. Sex work is work. I suppose it feels like not that big of a deal because it’s not. Some writers and parents or either or or both//and do extra freelance work or secure some hours every week doing XYZ to fill in the gaps or save or whatever it is you’re wanting to fund in an effort to afford you the things you care about. Some artists do graphic design for major corporations because it pays the bills better.

I am a wife and a mother and a writer and a business owner and a baker and a workshop creator/host, and a <insert here> and I am choosing to be a sex worker as well.

There are classes I want to take and workshops I want to attend. I want to travel more. I want to save more. I want to be able to continue redistributing more and better mutual aid to my community. If anyone should be getting paid let it be the abolitionists.

I don’t know whether or not this will surprise you but I didn’t hesitate sharing (here) the fact that I do or have done this type of work. I don’t worry about agents or publishers or literary magazines not wanting to work with me. I don’t stress about someone deciding not to follow me on social media, attend a workshop or class I facilitate, or recommend my newsletter. I don’t feel ashamed of the work that I do, and, as always, the people that I engage with, especially the people I do business with, will be the type of people I want to engage/do business with. I don’t want to work with people that I have to shield certain parts of myself and my life from and I’ll wait for the right ones. Again, that’s a privilege and one that isn’t lost on me as so many others have to hide for fear of persecution/prosecution and with that comes lost wages and and and.

xxx

There have been times in my life when I have done sex work for different reasons and that’s neither here nor there. This newsletter won’t be a Soap Box about destigmatizing and decriminalizing sex work entirely but I will say this-

If you read my first sentence and immediately passed a judgment or had a thought that gave you pause while considering whether or not you would say it to my face, therein lies the problem (one of many).

I understand the layers and questions and curiosity and nuance, honestly I do. I also understand and don’t necessarily judge the straight up nosey as well. Feel free to Ask Me Anything whether or not you would like to leave a comment or send me a private message.

I am not doing this because I am a queer or trans kid that got booted from their house for being queer/trans and I have to do something, anything, to feed myself.

(one of the many things to consider when we are discussing decriminalizing sex work)

I’m not doing this because I don’t feel like I have another option and have to make a decision rooted in survival rather than enthusiasm or pleasure. A place I have been many times.

I am a white, able-bodied femme and with that comes privilege that BIPOC and disabled sex workers are not afforded. The fact that I am these things lessens the amount of criminalizing and stigmatizing done directly to me because it gets put back on Black and brown (and specifically trans) creators. Because racism and transphobia and classism and ableism and and and.

I’m doing this for me. It’s another job- really, truly, it is that simple. I’m also lucky which is gross but true because this isn’t always the case or, say it with me, the privilege.

It is also a space that I can be creative in a different way. One that grants me the opportunity and safety to explore and be affirmed in my gender/gender identity and that’s a story for another day.

At any rate.

As I do with everything else in my life, I write in order to better understand and process. If reading about (non-explicit) sex work as a mother and a writer and a wife and an activist isn’t something you care to engage in, I respect that. But you won’t want to stick around and I respect that choice, too.

This newsletter is food//and for a reason. Yes, I pack lunches and write notes to my husband and kids, attend field trips, PTA meetings, participate in spirit weeks (why do they have All White Clothes days for children? Terrible idea), I run around in between writing, gardening, chores, meetings, and leading workshops in order to make Thai coconut braised beef + cucumber salad for dinner (recipe next week!) and I do sex work.

All of which feels relevant and important to me. If I’m going to live under capitalism I’m going to continue to do the work that I want to do (again, a privilege) and I’m going to keep advocating for the gaps to be lessened so that more people have the same access.

On this note-

There are many Black and//or trans sex workers whose work you can support (pay) that make their living by writing and educating people about sex work under a multitude of umbrellas. My writing, specifically in regards to my sex work, isn’t niche enough or researched enough to be doing any type of educating and there are brilliant individuals that can and do.

xxx

The only part that has scratched a place in my brain that I could do without is the idea that some kid will eventually find out what one of my many jobs are and that one kid will tease our kid(s) and it will be because of me.

My hope is that the way that we raise our kids will lessen any burden they could potentially face for their parent’s decisions especially in regards to this type of work because they understand what sex actually is and what it should look and feel like.

That it isn’t dirty or taboo. That it isn’t something they have to learn about on their own through other kids or the internet because we want them to be filled with matter-of-fact(s) language and context.

That it isn’t something that is solely used for procreation, that “sex” can look and mean a million different things, and eventually they will learn and understand that anybody doing sex work deserves the same access, safety, care, and respect as any other.

There’s my soap box.

xxx

Mother’s Day is on Sunday and it feels like a bit of a benign holiday to me personally. Not because it doesn’t feel special but because I feel well supported and special as a mother most of the days and don’t specifically feel like I need this one day. Mother’s Day is complicated as fuck for many people for a host of reasons. If anything, Mother’s Day makes me blue and not because my own mother is dead but naturally, and lately, the mothers that have been killed and the mothers that have had their babies killed through genocidal war in Palestine have been on my mind. The mothers in Congo. In Sudan. In _____.

I’m thinking about how society exploits mothers and their labor. I’m thinking about the disparities Black mothers face when receiving pre and postnatal care. I’m thinking about mothers as Creators and just how few fucks are reserved for their flourishing outside of grocery store roses one day of the year.

I wish we took better care of mothers, birthers, and Zazas.¹

Wherever you’re at with Mother’s Day, I see you.

xxx

I’m staring at the lilacs in the vase on my dining room table a la my desk/office. They are in their peak-bloom and I shove my face into them every so often to breathe them in better.

I learned awhile ago that whenever I make a simple syrup I go in with the best of intentions and ideas for how I will use it etc and then I use it once or twice before it languishes in the back of the fridge.

Not this time.

I made just enough lilac simple syrup for a handful of cocktails and I think you should too. I only prepped about 1/2 a cup of sugar worth, adding a couple tablespoons of water and a big fistful of fresh lilac blooms, and let it sit overnight after I had dissolved all of the sugar into the water on low heat.

Strain out the flowers and there you have it.

If you are a fan of a Negroni, may I suggest a white version that is especially delightful in the spring?

If you don’t want to fuss with adding anything extra/simple syrup, that’s fully fine as I love a standard white Negroni just as much.

(Lilac) White Negroni

1.5 oz gin

1 oz Lillet Blanc *I scale this back when doing the lilac version, only adding a 1/2 oz and adding a 1/2 tsp of the simple)

1/2 oz Suze

A squeeze of lemon juice

Lemon zest + lilac flowers for garnish

Stir, don’t shake (in a bunch of ice) and there you have it.

I can attest that it is equally good added to various types of seltzer water (NA) and really good in fresh grapefruit juice.

xxx

I fucking love Cesar salad on top of flatbread/pizza.

I made a flatbread/pizza using my trusty super-fast pizza crust recipe and treating it like I would for the pickle pizza only I don’t add any dill. Then I make or even buy a Cesar salad that comes in a bag because no, I don’t love plastic and yes, I do love a convenience when I need to cut corners and I love whatever way you do that as well because we all do.

Anyways, take the (literally) 15 minutes to make your own crust and then put a bunch of garlic, olive oil, parsley (if you want), salt, pepper, red pepper flakes (if you want), parm, and some mozzarella. Bake and then pile on whatever kind of Cesar salad you land on after the flatbread/pizza has cooled for 10 minutes.

Just trust me.

*making your own Cesar dressing is worth it but I know some people loathe making their own mayo and if this is you, don’t make your own mayo. Simple as that.

**maybe you want to cut up your own romaine, or toast your own croutons, or shave your own parm. What did that woman in the 90’s say? Semi-homemade?

***maybe you buy the Taylor Farms bagged Cesar and I love that for you, too.

Biggest love,

Currently Reading: I’m looking over our material for the Evocative workshop. If you haven’t heard, I started an online, weekly/on-going, drop in/drop out, low-impact CNF (creative nonfiction) workshop for all writers. If you want to join here as over to this info link or simply send me a message or email to truckeyava at gmail dot come and I’ll send you the Zoom link! This helps me keep track of how many people are registered as opposed to mass-sending the link, you know? Tech savvy people- how did I do this without charging lol. Yes, it is free/donation based. I would love to see you there.

Currently Listening To: absolute silence

Currently Cooking: NOTHING! I was very ambitious (why though) earlier this week and took out too many things I had to cook asap leaving us with a copious amount of leftovers that I am very grateful for now

Recently Published: next week’s newsletter will include the essay written by yours truly but if you want a head start you can find the most personal essay I have ever had published in the May/June edition of Hippocampus Magazine which is launching, direct quote, “this weekend.”

1. Zaza is often but not exclusively used by nonbinary parents/birthers in lieu of “mom”